How I ended up in a zen monastery or How I aim to be a rubbish bin or How to help others effectively
Sometimes you have a question lingering in the shadows of you mind for a long while and it is such a great joy when, in listening to a wise man speak, suddenly you comprehend the answer. Ahhh.
Yesterday I was listening to a wise monk, Ajahn Brahm’s talk on meditation and he was explaining his master, Ajahn Chah’s analogy on how to be an effective counsellor or teacher. He said that our job as a good listener is to be a rubbish bin for our students. They throw out all their frustrations or woes in their words and we are the passive containers for all of this. This is how people can feel better after they talk about their problems. Their problems may not be resolved but their state of mind has changed. . . so how they cope with life after that changed.
I knew this. And I gladly collected rubbish for a while when I started teaching. There came a time when the trash accumulated to such an extent that I felt I was bursting! It became unbearable! This happened some time back: In a state of heightened awareness from my meditation and yoga practice, I saw the sea of swelling suffering that is our world. Felt dead seasick. My student’s suffering became my own and I saw the same in all the people I met outside of class as well. Fortunately, I still went to yoga practice at my master’s. It was there, within the pranayama practice that I burst. I felt overwhelmed. Fortunately too, a former student of mind and a good friend was there with me and she offered to drive me home. Halfway through, I suddenly wanted to go to a peaceful place of refuge. I remembered that there was a zen monastery near where we were and we went there. My friend asked one of the monks to talk to me.
So the poor man became my rubbish bin. I still remember the essence of what he said and some of the statements he made. (It was a very short meeting). Amongst these, he said that he too sometimes feel that there aren’t that many people he felt he had truly helped. Whew! Immense sense of relief! He said that even the most powerful of helpers, the bodhisattvas, have limits to what they can do: [1] they can’t help those they do not have the chance to meet, [2] they can’t help people to change the fruits of their own actions (their karma), [3] they can’t help those who do not want to be helped. I guess the moral of the story is that who we can truly help is not always within our control since we are each free individuals. We just try our best and hope for the best. Isn’t it then a finer miracle that we do receive help, like in this case for me, when we most need it, despite all this!
I felt a little relieved after hearing what he said. Of course I felt relieved more because I have unburdened my rubbish into this kind man. I wondered how this man lived, day after day, listening to us, heaping more trash into his small frame. This is where Ajahn Chah’s analogy has a second part: he said that while we are rubbish bins, we should aim to be bins with a hole in the bottom! Hahahaa. . . I remember that the monk could not talk to me for too long because he had to go to the supermarket to buy the monastery's groceries. He had to empty out what he just heard from me and continue on with his daily errands. So, yes, we receive the rubbish of humanity, but we need to LET THEM GO.
Yesterday I was listening to a wise monk, Ajahn Brahm’s talk on meditation and he was explaining his master, Ajahn Chah’s analogy on how to be an effective counsellor or teacher. He said that our job as a good listener is to be a rubbish bin for our students. They throw out all their frustrations or woes in their words and we are the passive containers for all of this. This is how people can feel better after they talk about their problems. Their problems may not be resolved but their state of mind has changed. . . so how they cope with life after that changed.
I knew this. And I gladly collected rubbish for a while when I started teaching. There came a time when the trash accumulated to such an extent that I felt I was bursting! It became unbearable! This happened some time back: In a state of heightened awareness from my meditation and yoga practice, I saw the sea of swelling suffering that is our world. Felt dead seasick. My student’s suffering became my own and I saw the same in all the people I met outside of class as well. Fortunately, I still went to yoga practice at my master’s. It was there, within the pranayama practice that I burst. I felt overwhelmed. Fortunately too, a former student of mind and a good friend was there with me and she offered to drive me home. Halfway through, I suddenly wanted to go to a peaceful place of refuge. I remembered that there was a zen monastery near where we were and we went there. My friend asked one of the monks to talk to me.
So the poor man became my rubbish bin. I still remember the essence of what he said and some of the statements he made. (It was a very short meeting). Amongst these, he said that he too sometimes feel that there aren’t that many people he felt he had truly helped. Whew! Immense sense of relief! He said that even the most powerful of helpers, the bodhisattvas, have limits to what they can do: [1] they can’t help those they do not have the chance to meet, [2] they can’t help people to change the fruits of their own actions (their karma), [3] they can’t help those who do not want to be helped. I guess the moral of the story is that who we can truly help is not always within our control since we are each free individuals. We just try our best and hope for the best. Isn’t it then a finer miracle that we do receive help, like in this case for me, when we most need it, despite all this!
I felt a little relieved after hearing what he said. Of course I felt relieved more because I have unburdened my rubbish into this kind man. I wondered how this man lived, day after day, listening to us, heaping more trash into his small frame. This is where Ajahn Chah’s analogy has a second part: he said that while we are rubbish bins, we should aim to be bins with a hole in the bottom! Hahahaa. . . I remember that the monk could not talk to me for too long because he had to go to the supermarket to buy the monastery's groceries. He had to empty out what he just heard from me and continue on with his daily errands. So, yes, we receive the rubbish of humanity, but we need to LET THEM GO.
