Quiet Places

You folks coming to class via City Hall MRT station must have seen some of the hoardings go up around St Andrew's Cathedral . I think they are preparing for the onset of the cathedral's extension/renovations. About time! Apparently, the foundation stone was laid down in 1834 at the site supposedly chosen by Raffles himself. The building was struck by lightning twice and also survived the war.

The extension project has a beautiful name. The Quiet Places Project. With the extensions will come more space for their existing congregation. Also, a visitors' centre will be created for tourists and locals to learn more about the historial landmark. I saw the plans in the cathedral and the design of the new annexes is such that there is feeling of openness. Passersby are welcome to flow into the church grounds and the chapel for their own respite and their own contemplation.

From the news: Bishop of Singapore, Reverend John Chew, said: "We live in an age and time where life is getting more worked up and stressed, we feel that in the city centre and market place, people are rushing here and there. One of the main features here is there will be seven different gardens or spots - quiet places where different people will find different niches there and they are all designed to be very welcoming. People can just walk in and just be on their own without being disturbed."

I found this idea of a sanctuary in the midst of the rushing urban landscape very attractive. How lovely that we can escape from the city and step into a quiet place that is always protected. I think Bishop Chew and his folks should be appreciated for their efforts because where we are yet unskilled in meditation, inadept in mastering our minds, a quiet space as this allows us to learn to be still. It is as if by osmosis the silence permeates through us. . . and rekindles something inside us. . . and we revisit another quiet place. . . one that is carried inside us all along. There, your soul welcomes you home.


On the St Andrew's Cathedral website:
http://www.livingstreams.org.sg/sac/info/project/quiet.html

In the news:
http://asia.news.yahoo.com/031123/5/singapore58705.html

I can mop your floor but I can't help you

Some of you might have heard me say that I love to mop the yoga studio floor. This is almost always followed by the comment by one of you that I should come and mop your floors at home while I'm loving it. Heehee. You see, I can but I can't.

Why do I love to mop the floor?

[1] It is something that deflates any inflated ego. When I started teaching yoga at OmIm, it was like, "Wow! look at me! look at me! I'm king of the world, woohoo! I'm a guru. Guru! Guru! Guru! Woohoo!". . .then the floor gets dusty, your feet get dirty and its time for the great guru to get the mop and bucket and start cleaning up after her students. It is a constant reality check and reminder that being a king of the your world means that you are the one who gets pick up after everyone and to take out all the trash too. I appreciate the floor for keeping me grounded.

[2] When I am mopping, there is only the mopping. It is therapeutic. IT is meditation. When I am mopping, I becoming the mopping and stop being the ego Sau Fen for a while. I become the task at hand completely and it is frankly a relief to take a vacation from being Sau Fen for a while. There are no worries, no fantasies, no plans, no illusions. Ahhhh...

[3] Come hell, high water, fair weather, I have to mop. When I am tired from teaching, I still have to mop; when I am energetic and keen to start training, I still have to mop; when I am sick or injured, I still have to mop; when I am happy or sad, I still have to mop, etc. Like breathing, mopping helps to maintain a constant awareness and equanimity -- helps me to transcend the highs and lows of life and stay centred. It also is a reminder that self cultivation is a constant, unending job. What I do notice is that if for whatever reason I miss out on mopping for a while, the floor becomes harder to clean the next time I mop. This means that frequent and constant maintenance makes easier maintenance. The same can be said of the self.

[4] I cannot mop your floor -- what? Deprive you of the same spiritual cultivation? How can I do that? ;-)

Thursday evening class changed to 8pm

Please note that from this coming Thursday 3 June 2004 onwards, Thursday evening classes will be rescheduled to 8:00pm-9:30pm.

This is because as some of you know I teach at STB at 4:30pm on that day and 2 other tenants in the building, Club Med & Aman Resorts have asked me to do one additional class at 6:30pm for them.

I would like to emphasize that as a first priority I remain faithfully yours, committed to all my regular students at OmIm , only deciding to take on the additional class because attendance at Thurdays 7pm class is not very popular amongst you guys.

Also, I am working to introduce my senior instructor to start classes at OmIm. He may take over the 7pm slot to do a challenging class for those of you challenge seekers. . . details akan datang ("coming soon").

No yoga class on Vesak Day next Wednesday

Please note that there will be no classes on 2 June due to the public holiday.

Vesak day is a day of gratitude. Hope that you will spend the day in appreciating all that you have: content in the realm of your present experiences.

Impermanence: no attachments

Hahahaha! I just typed a whole blog on an emotional episode and accidentally deleted the whole thing with one keystroke.

Good!!

As surely as all things arise, they too will pass. Impermanence is the only sure thing.

I am reminded of the 40 foot sq sand mandala that the tibetan monks created at the Expo exhibition. Many Singaporeans where real upset when they ceremonially destroyed it at the end of the exhibition. Some said that it should have been preserved! (Hahahaa how to?!) The sand mandala was created to be destroyed. All things come to an end. As the monks who created it destroyed it themselves, they remind us all that we should not be attached to the fruits of our labour. We will find no satisfaction in the results of the work BUT that it is in the labouring itself where we are content.

Gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha!

Our True Identity

A human being is part of the whole, called by us "Universe," a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest -- a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.

-- Albert Enstein

No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee

-- John Donne

Whether scientist or clergyman, there is agreement. The view that we are separate individuals different from each other is an illusion. We are involved in mankind and we need to embrace all beings via compassion. . . and become the larger Self, the Atman, as they call it in Sanskrit. Mahatma means "great soul". It does not refer specifically to Gandhi, it refers to what Gandhi has shown is possible for human beings to achieve, the intimate recognition that we are, together, making up the Atman. In this way, how can we harm another when he is a part of us? Ahimsa, non-violence, becomes natural because "any man's death diminishes me".

This week we will be practicing a meditation method that helps links us to all. Hope you enjoy it. See you in class.

Daily Enlightenment

"The Daily Enlightenment" is an email group you can subscribe to. I've been reading it for a long long time. It also lists some volunteer opportunities at the end so you have the opportunity to practice Karma Yoga. You can also read the inspirational postings at their website. This current issue has an interesting excerpt entitled "Make Your Own Mantras" -- ties in nicely with what I just wrote.

http://www.thedailyenlightenment.com/new/

Being boring?

What do you do when you are bored? Do you often find yourself helplessly slipsliding into the feeling of restlessness? Have you in the past weekend found yourself roaming around the shops in Orchard Road aimlessly, yet only too sad to find that the weekend was too soon over.

It is a strange paradox. We often also claim that we are too stressed, too busy to meditate, to volunteer, to practice yoga. Yet when we have a spare hour on the train or one precious free afternoon on Saturday, we scour the papers for movies to watch, call our friends and spend 2 hours talking about where to have dinner. The harder we try to have fun, the less fun we seem to have. . .and then its over. Is this our life?!

What is happening here? I have wondered at this for many years, since the stressful days at school, the tiring days at work. Even when I started teaching yoga, the inevitable sense of restlessness revisits as soon as there is time to spare, one afternoon, one hour, one minute. In fact, I saw the mental process happening with even greater clarity after my training in yoga and meditation. Believe me, it gets a lot harder before it gets simpler. Because when the material world loses its appeal and your selfish desires are under management, that boredom, that restlessness, has more room to expand into!

Is there no hope for us then?! Are we doomed to live in perpetual cycles of boredom and stress? Something shifted in me while I was reading Eknath Easwaran’s writings (see previous blogs). Hang on, hang on, these bored/restless periods are not obstacles to our freedom and happiness, they ARE our freedom and contains potentially the keys to our lasting happiness.

Easwaran says that the secret to happiness is not to dwell on yourself: your selfish ego and all its whims and fancies, whining and woes. To put it in the positive way: happiness is when we are entirely engrossed in what we are doing (so much that we lose our ego-centricity). So I realised that those episodes of boredom/restlessness are there for a purpose. We can use them for this practice. There are some good ways of detaching from the ego in these opportunities. I’ve tried them extensively in the past 2 weeks or so. They work.

One way of not dwelling on yourself is to dwell on others. Fill your time on weekends with volunteer work. To call it “work” is a little bit inappropriate. It was a joy to help others on a worthy mission and each thing you do no matter how mundane becomes an action removing your boredom which stems ultimately from a lack of purpose. You channel the power you dissipate endlessly through your restlessness into meaningful actions which have a positive effect on the lives of others. So your boredom and restlessness is lost AND you generate a whole lot of good for others. This is what Karma Yoga is. Selfless action is a form of yoga practice because it directs your mind and you abide in happiness through your work losing your attachment to your ego. Believe me, 4 days of volunteering at the Metta Welfare Association booth for charity has got me scouring the internet last night for more opportunities to practice Karma Yoga. An interesting by-product of this for me as a yoga instructor is that I have discovered a hidden store of energy and strength from the experience. Instead of feeling tired and depleted at the end of the day of volunteering (standing and walking around for hours without sitting), I found energy to even go back to OmIm and teach the evening class of yoga. It is in indulging our selfish desires that wears us down. It is in selfless action that we are renewed.

If we can't learn to master our minds when we haven't got much on our hands, how can we hope to master our minds when faced with crisis or danger? Another way of using those odd minutes or hours when you are commuting or waiting for your bus, your friend, your doctor, etc. is to meditate. People tend to think that they have no time to meditate. They picture themselves in flowing robes, climbing to some inaccessible rock on a picturesque mountain to do this. Where got time?! I am of the belief that tiny drops of water make the ocean. Be very “giam” with your bits of time. Hoard each precious drop for meditation instead of tinkering with your sms. Even a minute spent observing your breath flow performs wonders for your frame of mind. Instead of letting your mind have free rein to flit from one thought to another, invoking the associated emotions, master your minute moments.

I will be doing more types of meditation techniques in yoga class so you can experiment on them and find something that works best for your purposes. For me, I find counting the breaths effective and elegant in its simplicity. Close your eyes and observe your breathing. With each inhalation and exhalation, count one, inhale, exhale, count two, three. . . count up to ten breaths. . .then start with one again. Whenever a stray thought comes in to interrupt your counting, please humbly start from one again. Another easy way of meditation which is great for those stray moments (like when you are on the escalator or lift) is repetition of a mantra. This does not have to be anything religious. A yoga student at my friend’s challenging class on Sunday said that she kept finding herself thinking “I will survive” (yes, the song) during the class. That got her through it and prevent her from sinking into thoughts of giving up or tiredness. So when you are stuck in traffic and late for work: think “I will survive, I will survive, I will survive, etc.” or whatever works for you. Keep it short and positive. The repetition prevents the mind from undirected meandering and helps to fill in all the gaps where boredom or restlessness could creep in. So we lose our ego centricity and become what we meditate on, in this case, a survivor rather than a victim.

“As we learn to do this (meditation), boredom disappears. Many serious contemporary problems can be traced back to acute boredom, which is intimately connected with a lack of purpose.”

“If we look with some detachment on the moments when we were truly happy, we will find that it is not when we were at a party or watching a movie. It is when we were so quietly, completely absorbed in something that we forgot ourselves altogether. This is the secret of happiness. In forgetting about ourselves – our problems, our needs, our quirks and prepossessions – we become happy, just as in dwelling on ourselves we make ourselves miserable.”

– Eknath Easwaran

Pilgrimage to Changi to see the great teacher

If you have been reading the papers these days you would not have missed the news about the Sacred Buddha Tooth Relic exhibition at Singapore Expo on until Sunday. Whether you are buddhist or not, I strongly recommend the exhibition. It is an incredible display of art, history and a heartwarming experience of Singaporeans' devotion and spirit.

The heartwarming part begins with the MRT ride to the expo. Something about going to see the legacy of a great human being and talented teacher brings out the best in each of us riding the train. You can almost see each person make an earnest attempt to be the best person possible before the Teacher. On the train, people are calling their friends on the mobile making meeting arrangements at the exhibition, people are trying not to jostle for seats, trying not to rush and push others aside -- all despite their obvious excitement. People are softly smiling at strangers, acknowledging each other as fellow pilgrims.

Feet and heartbeats quicken inevitably after the pilgrims pass through the gates at the Expo MRT. Still most follow the ushers' instruction and join the long but fast moving queue into the exhibition hall. One sighting of the length of the queue and the keen faces is enough to restore your faith in possibility of the salvation of the human race. We are anxious but patient pupils, waiting the see the master, trying our best to live as best we can.

There were incidents of impatience. Individuals, broke through the ranks and tried to slip forwards in the lines. I always thought that it is a minor miracle that, being Singaporean, the rest of the people, while visibly disapproving of these attempts, did not confront these fellows with violent words nor violent restraint. Then again, surely most the people there knew, there are larger powers at work. You reap what you sow. The natural laws of karma means that these individuals will get their just rewards. And so, there was peace at the queues and peace in our hearts. In this way, our minor pilgrimage to Changi is worth it.

Buddha is not a god. He was a yogi. He is an example of what can happen when ordinary human beings transcend their selfish desires and master their minds. Having reached a state of freedom from the troubles of the world, he chose to stay around so as to teach and free others. To me he is the greatest role model for teachers. It is a testament to the power of his teachings that we are still lining up with patience and restraint at Expo to see his legacy more than 2000 years later.

Each day, I've been going there and hope is arising in my heart from the things that I see people doing. I used to dispair at the impossibility of the task, but now I know that we each can be broken out of the selfish shells of our ego to realise our full potential as human beings. All we need is the right teacher and a good intention in our hearts. Help is always at hand and hope is always present.

I am helping out with the fundraising at the Metta Welfare Association booth in aid of their schools for intellectually disabled students (who make great muffins! they are selling them at the exhibition.), their hospice care facilities for the terminally ill, the old folks and other services. We are at Hall 3 and are wearing the unmistakable blue vests. Come and say hi. We are selling amongst other things very nice candle stands $8/$10/$12 and jade pendants $10! If you are there, also check out the Ramakrishna Mission's booth. They have loads of hard-to-find books on Yoga at astonishing prices (think they are printed in India) like $3, $10. I recommend anything by Vivekananda (pioneer who inspired the university that certified me as an instructor) or the Gospel of Ramakrishna written by a most humble follower who, in all humility, put his name only as "M". See you there.

My latest teacher

As you can probably tell by now reading the previous blogs, that I am reading Gandhi's biography. I am reading one that was written by another brilliant Indian luminary, Eknath Easwaran. Easwaran was a scholar of Sanskrit and English (!) literature and was believed to be the first to offer Meditation as a credit earning course in the US at Berkeley. He has written many books on what he calls "the art of living" and on meditation. I am setting about consuming his books, most of which are available from our National Libraries (try Orchard, Ang Mo Kio and Woodlands). What I like about his writing is his sympathetic tone, his friendly and very practical advice. His lively anecdotes on his experiences growing up in India, his relationship with his spiritual teacher, his grandmother and his encounters with the American way of life in San Francisco of the '60s-'80s -- are all full of humour, significance and inspiration. His comparisons between surfing beach bums in California, Indian village boys jumping into a flooded river in Kerala and penguins diving off icebergs into the freezing sea make me laugh and learn. Because he wrote well, with talent and ease, without ego, with the intention to share and teach, his writing always cuts deep into the core of truth that resides within us and transforms us from within to without.

"Eknath Easwaran often recalled with pride that he grew up in Gandhi's India the historic years when Mahatma Gandhi was leading the Indian people to freedom from British rule through complete nonviolence. As a young man, Sri Easwaran met Gandhi and the experience of sitting near him at his evening prayer meetings left a lasting impression. The lesson he learned from Gandhi was the power of the individual: the immense resources that emerge into life when a seemingly ordinary person transforms himself completely."

Above excerpted from Easwaran's website at http://www.nilgiri.org
Do visit the website and read his books, if there is ever any reading material I would prescribe for my yoga classes this is it!
Warning: you will not be unchanged after you've read Easwaran's writings. ;-)

Daily yoga practice: Supporting the law of the world

Went to a volunteers briefing on Sunday at the Kong Meng San Phor Kark See Monastery. They have a wonderful term for volunteer work: "Hu4 Fa3" -- Supporting/upholding/protecting (the) dharma. Dharma is/are the natural law(s) of the world, e.g. "In this world hate has never yet dispelled hate, only love dispels hate". We should daily be the supporters of such truths. Not just in sectors of our lives like volunteer work but in our dealings with all people. Think about it. Instead of "contributing your time", "doing charity", "donation", "fundraising" (terms which I always felt sounded a little patronising and lacking somehow...) you are "protecting the laws of truth", "guardians of eternal wisdom". ;-) So from an ego-based wish to "do good" and "become a better person" you have graduated to a ego-less wish to acknowledge and perpetuate what is true and good and "be a better people". I can't think of a better way to practice yoga than this! Karma ("action") Yoga is uniting our mind, body and soul through our actions. We act out of truth and are not attached to the outcome of our actions.

However many holy words you read,
However many you speak,
What good will they do you
If you do not act upon them?

Read as few words as you like
And speak fewer.
But act upon the law.

-- Dhammapada

Act now! Find out more about volunteering from my good friends at the National Volunteer and Philantrophy Centre: http://www.nvpc.org.sg/

Remember, as Mahatma Gandhi said: "The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world's problems."

Mahatma

The more efficient a force is the more silent and the more subtle it is.


--- Mahatma (Great Soul) Gandhi

You are what you give

My latest hobby is losing possessions. A mind-bogglingly tricky habit to build but very liberating when the momentum gets going. I highly recommend that you give it a try. You get a delicious taste of real freedom and a new sense of who you are.

When I started OmIm, I bought 4 tables from Picket & Rail (which as most of you remember was just next door at Stamford House). One tall table which acts as a counter of sorts for new yogis to sign in and 3 small coffee tables which Picket & Rail marketed as "Occassional Tables". Occassional indeed! I re-examined my purchases when recently my friend prepared to set up her own office. It was truly funny. Why would a yoga studio need 4 tables when we end up on the floor with our yoga mats anyway? Hahahaaaa! I sold off one of the occasional tables to my grateful friend for her zen corner in her new office.

It appeared to be an irresistable deal: 3 tables for $139. But does such a bargain mean that we need to acquire more than what we needed? I do not believe nor want to believe that rampant mindless greed is the primary driving force of humanity. There is something more subtle happening here. It is a human tragedy that we suffer from a sense of lack, a kind of perceived perpetual poverty. We need to grab, to grasp all that we can from the external world because we sense the thirst of our desires. We feel we need to satisfy this kind of thirst. Yet, however many times we do this, the feeling does not go away. You find the desire to have and hold return all the more rapidly and frequently the more you try to satisfy it. Realise that this is a trick of the mind.

What's happening here? Why do we feel we need to buy, grab more than we need? What are these desires? They are just thoughts. Where do they come from? They originate ultimately from a feeling of incompleteness and deprivation. We hold on to things and acquire more things because there is a fear that we do not or will not have enough. Because things change, we are helpless in the face of change. We will lose things, we will not be able to get what we want when we want it. We crave certainty, we want satisfaction - now and tomorrow. Can anyone fault us for these very human impulses? Still, can we be free from this senseless sense of incompleteness and deprivation? It can be done.

Stop and examine all that you already have. All that is essential to us is already in our possession. You have exactly what you need to live today, to get through today and to get through pretty well. How to put this into practice? Try my new hobby: for everything that you have, think of how you can live without it. Think of someone who would be really happy to have it instead of you. Think of how happy it would make them and how happy it will make you to have given it away.

A second ethic in the Yamas of Ashtanga Yoga is Aparigraha. Most translate it as "Non-grasping". Holding on to things is the opposite of being free. When we understand this equation, we see that desires are very fluid, negotiable, controllable thoughts. We can master these thoughts by growing thoughts of gratitude and satisfaction with all that we already have. When we do not feel a sense of lack, why would we ever suffer the hunger of desire?

Pop wisdom

I'd like to share one of my favourite mantram which is from pop music:

"Be good to yourself
Because nobody else
Has the power to make you happy."

-- from George Michael's "Heal the Pain".

The first principle ethic in yoga (in the first limb of Ashtanga Yoga aka "Eight-limbed yoga") is the principle of Ahimsa. Ahimsa is often interpreted as "Non-violence". But it can be understood as a wider call for compassion for all living things. Most people do not go around killing others daily (in most parts of the world anyway. . .if only everyone did yoga...) but we perform more pervasive forms of violence, just as deadly, on a daily basis. Donna Farhi, an established yoga teacher from New Zealand says that "Any thought, word, or action that prevents us or someone else from growing and living freely is one that is harmful." Think about this, how many times in a day do you in small ways, think, say or do things that harms, others and yourself. "I hate this pose, why does Sau Fen always do this pose in EVERY CLASS. I hate how my abs wobble like jelly in this pose. I hate my abs. I hate my arms. I hate my legs. Stay STILL DAMN IT!!I hate my body. I hate my life. Can't do anything right!Stupid body. I hate...etc." Do we as often abuse another person as much as we abuse ourselves like this an a daily, even hourly, moment to moment basis!

Realising this, we are already on our way out of this. This is how yoga helps. This is why meditation is a very powerful tool. It is perhaps the most important thing you will ever learn. How to live in the present and be free from your random mind. We grow a moment to moment awareness of ourselves, our bodies and thoughts. We separate the compassionate thoughts from the heartless thoughts. We realise that those are just what they are: thoughts. We can decide if we want to heed such cruel speak. We break free from such free-wheeling violence in our minds and dwell in freedom always. This is what it means to be happy.

May you take care of your self happily today, may you be free.

Noisy Joints

This must be the most frequently asked question in class: "My knee joints keep cracking each time I do the squats! Am I in trouble?!" Well, most of you can set your minds at ease. Here's an exerpt from Yoga Journal's website under the section "New to Yoga" which is a good read if you have questions on starting out yoga. http://www.yogajournal.com/newtoyoga/

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The popping, cracking joints you hear while practicing yoga may be problematic or not, depending on the cause.

Cracking and popping noises can be attributed to a few different phenomena. One explanation is that when a joint is pushed into or out of its normal position (which could be done during a yoga pose) gases, primarily nitrogen, are displaced and escape from the synovial fluid inside the joint, causing a popping sound.

Another reason for the noise, according to frequent Yoga Journal contributor and international yoga teacher Judith Lasater, comes from a tendon moving across a joint or from arthritic changes that have already occurred in the joint. She believes that if this popping occurs naturally during yoga practice, or in daily life, for that matter, there is not a problem.

However, it is unadvisable to continually try to pop one's joints (i.e., cracking the knuckles). This practice tends to create hypermobility and can lead to instability in the joint. This instability can cause the surrounding musculature to tighten up a bit to support the joint and thus the urge to pop will arise again, says Lasater.

If the popping is from a tendon moving across a joint or from arthritis, continue to pay attention to the area, and if the symptoms change, or if there is pain associated with a popping or cracking noise, seek the counsel of a qualified health professional.

Nothing is ever good or bad

It has been almost a year since I first had the idea for Om Improvement. It is amazing always when I look back and realise how this all started: how something so happy and peaceful came from a period of darkness and unrest! Some of you who come to my classes may have heard the story. I was in a pretty bad shape this time last year. In a period of deepening depressing, someone in my family passed away and plunged me into a dark despair over life. Then life in its curious ways led me to the happy place that is OmIm today.

These excerpts are from my essay written during the yoga instructor's course exactly a year ago:

----------

I was not close to my grandmother. However, when she passed away, something in me snapped and all the stress of living and trying to make sense of it all collected into an insufferable heap of inner turmoil. I could not work, I could not sleep. I kept crying. I felt like my head went into overdrive trying to make sense of everything. It just kept thinking and thinking. I really wanted it to stop. I was tired of thinking. I was tired of living if living meant having to think. I wanted very much for it all to cease.

Nothing I tried cheered me up.

Looking back now with gentler eyes, nothing I did gave me any peace or happiness because they did not strike at the source of the troubles: the uncontrolled Mind.

If you do not look after your Mind, observe it, understand it and master it, you will have no peace. I had a sense of this from the doing the drawings and beginning the inner journey. However, it is through practising Yoga that I began to understand the nature of the Mind, its connection to the body and also how Yoga practice helps to provide us with a means to master the Mind.

---

As I ran into my yoga teacher 2 days following the funeral, I was encouraged by her to practice more Yoga as it would help.

As I attended daily classes of Yoga asanas, each session lasting about one and a half hours (including relaxation), I discovered that during the practice, I felt a sense of peace and relief from the grief and depression that no other activity could give me. The feelings will return after the session. Still grateful for even temporary respites, I went for Yoga almost daily for about a month.

Through the sessions, I became interested to know more about this effect of Yoga asana practice. I read the introductory sections of Donna Farhi’s Yoga Mind, Body and Spirit, several other books on Yoga and many articles on the spiritual teachings of Yoga in “Yoga Journal”, “Yoga International” and “Yoga & Health” magazines. I realised that there was a whole system of Yoga “technologies” developed since antiquity to not just train the body but also the mind, developing us so that spiritually we can achieve peace and happiness.

With this knowledge, I pursued Yoga asana practice with a new mindfulness and spirit of enquiry that I never had. This brought an ease to my movements and postures. With daily practice, I became able to relax into asanas I was unable to achieve before that. Additionally, I found great comfort in the pranayama practices that my teacher integrates into the sessions.

It is crucial to highlight the importance of the teacher in Yoga practice. In this case, it was my teacher’s compassionate but firm guidance through the practices that contributed to their ability to affect and benefit me. I have not even spoken more than a few sentences to her over the past 2 years or so attending her weekly sessions. But with a trust in her expertise and faith in her integrity, as well as motivation stemming from her inspiring dedication to Yoga, I was able to train without fear and with an openness to new experiences. I was challenged by the building up of the difficulty of the sessions while at the same time, relaxed. Over time, I had built a confidence in my body and a belief that it has no limits provided I proceed to train it in moderation and care. This is no mean feat as I never excelled at sports and had hated exercise since school days. I was able to achieve that because of the uncompetitive nature of Yoga practice and the supportive environment within which I practised.

In summary, energy returned to my body, clarity to my Mind and hope to my spirit. Still somehow I felt that I was not whole. It is no wonder why this is so, for according to Yoga we have five bodies or kosas. I had at that time only a vague idea of some of these and no idea how they are related.

---

I recently asked my yoga teacher if she reads minds. She jokingly replied “Of course! I do it all the time!” The reason I asked was because she came to me at the beginning of a class three weeks ago and asked me if I am interested in training as a Yoga instructor. The very question I wanted to ask her at the end of that class. This led to my enrolling in the YICC. In this very interesting course, I found answers and explanations to many questions I had on how Yoga helps us in achieving happiness. It is then that I managed to link the depression at the time of my grandmother’s death, the nature of the Mind, the spiritual cultivation of Yoga practice and the process of achieving happiness.

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With my enrolment in the Yoga Instructor's Certificate Course (YICC), a deeper understanding of the meaning of Yoga and the relation of the Mind to the body and to happiness was finally revealed.

The concept of health, according to the World Health Organisation (WHO), is a state of well being at the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and social levels. In Yoga science, the concept of the body is expressed as “Panca kosa vivek”: a five layer existence. These five bodies are:

Ø Annamaya kosa: Physical body
Ø Pranayama kosa: Ethereal body
Ø Manomaya kosa: Mind body
Ø Vijnamaya kosa: Intellectual body
Ø Anandamaya kosa: Blissful body

The Yoga concept of health can thus be expressed thus: if we take care of the physical body and work inwards towards the cultivation of our kosas, we will achieve a level of bliss at Anandamaya kosa. Control is achieved when the mind is brought to silence, a state which is happiness.

Hence it can be argued that physical asana practice and breath control through pranayama practice are in preparation for deeper practice involving ever more abstract or subtle levels of our being. These latter practices are only possible when we are healthy in the physical body and adept at achieving calm in our movements. The two fronts of practice, external and internal are laid out in detail in Raja Yoga.

Raja Yoga seeks a mastery of the Mind. It purports Ashtanga Yoga or Eigth-limbed Yoga. The eight courses of practice work in tandem to achieve Mind mastery, silencing the eddies within our bodies, bring peace and happiness in Moksa, a state of total silence, rewarded with freedom, bliss, knowledge and power.

The eight “limbs” or practices are divided into Bahiranga Yoga (dealing with the external) and Antaranga Yoga (dealing with the internal).

Under Bahiranga Yoga are indirect ways to gain mastery of the mind:

1. Yama: a set of don’ts
2. Niyama: a set of dos
3. Asana: Yoga postures
4. Pranayama: mastery through breath
5. Pratyahara: mastery over sense organs

These practices develop the moral fibre as much as the physical makeup of the person. When adept at Bahiranga Yoga practice, we can with greater ease approach the subtler inner practices in Antanranga Yoga. Thus we can with practice reach further and further inwards with more subtle tools to hone all our kosas reaching toward the blissful body, Ananamaya kosa.

Under Antanranga Yoga are direct ways to gain mastery of the mind:

6. Dharana: focusing
7. Dhyana: meditation
8. Smadhi: merging with the super consciousness


Hence, Yoga gave me a theoretical framework to understand my self and a practical course of action to take care of my self. I realise that the moments of happiness or peace I experienced during asana practice in a period of intense and overwhelming grief proved that silence in the mind can be reached and the vast reservoirs of bliss can be released. The urgency hinted in my drawings and in the desire to come out of a deep sense of despair , added a serious motivation to my practice.

I have begun to take the Yamas and Niyamas into my daily life. In a way, I feel a sense of relief that this attempt has brought. The Yamas and Niyamas are a good guiding force in subtle decisions as well as more strategic decisions that we undertake all the time. Simply knowing that I am keeping mindful of the integrity of my actions and motivations brings a perceptible sense of ease in my actions. It adds discipline to the Mind outside of the concentration of asana practice. Each action, each thought becomes a part of Yoga practice, requiring the same amount of attention and discipline.

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In the YICC training, I also came to realise grandma’s gift.

On the first day of the course, we each introduced ourselves in turn and explained why we were taking the course. When my turn came, I started crying as I realised that the soul-searching that led me to study Yoga started when she passed away. With her passing, perhaps she had wanted to make me take the inward journey. While I never got to know her well, I was saddened by her departure as she was a kind soul. She was always happy, always smiling, good-natured and loving. Her smiles were her gift to us when she was alive and the memory of her smiles, her gift after she had gone. Her goodness came back to me whenever Mr Sudheer (YICC instructor) says “Yoga is smiling”, “Have a beautiful smile on your face” during Yoga practice. So in that way, Grandma had practised Yoga all her life in her own way. Wasn’t she trying to tell me that the happiness and peace I have sought is within my grasp? And that I should pursue them NOW! And that I should keep practising all my life in all aspects of my life. I had been so lost and unhappy!

I will always remember this – her gift – and how perhaps this is a way her goodness will continue to live - through me and what I will do for others.

As the Bhagavad Gita stated, with non-attachment and practice, I realised that even an event life Grandma’s death cannot be simply good nor bad. We cannot understand the meanings of these things until we have developed through Yoga practice a detachment to the rough eddies of emotions and our senses. We master our immediate impulse to like or dislike and become calm in the face of challenges and happy always. The spiritual dimension of Yoga has drawn out the inner world into the open, given us a set of tools to work at achieving peace within ourselves.

Om.